Garbanzooooooo!

So I was reminded by about five people this week that I have been a total slacker and need to get moving on the whole blog thing.  However, in my defense, I am currently:  working full time, in grad school, moving, in a show, planning this season and next season for Black Ship, and organizing a reading.

So you're just getting a snack.  A really easy, awesome, healthy snack with my favorite bean!


   ...okay, second favorite Bean.
 Garbanzooooooooooo!

Also known as chick peas, but "Garbanzo" is more fun to say.

You will need:
1 can of garbanzo beans
dash of salt
dash of pepper
1 tsp of cayenne pepper (or paprika if you are a wimp)

1)  Drain and rinse the garbanzo beans and let them dry out on a towel
2)  Mix the garbanzo beans in a bowl with the cayenne pepper, salt, and pepper.
3)  Put garbanzo beans in a skillet, put the skillet on the stove.
4)  Turn the burner on about medium head and constantly stir the chickpeas.  This is neccessary or the spices will stick to the pan.
5)  Cook for about 5-7 minutes until soft and warm.

TADAAAAAAAAAAA!  Roasted Garbanzo Beans!

Enjoy this healthy snack.  For a low sodium version, don't use the salt.  Duh.

Brussels Sprouts! Yes, you can eat them!

Brussels Sprouts. New! Improved! Edible!

This is the easiest recipe ever and super delicious.  My roommates and I eat these like popcorn.  Crowd pleaser!

You will need: A big ol' bag of Brussels sprouts; olive oil; salt; pepper; crushed red pepper

1) Halve all of your sprouts right down the middle.
2) Put them in a big plastic bag
3) Pour a little olive oil in the bag, then shake some salt, pepper, and crushed red pepper in the bag as well.
4) Shake it like a red headed stepchild
5) place the sprouts guts-up on a baking sheet
6) This is the part where I forgot to tell you to preheat the oven to 350. Go do that, but, you know, earlier.
7) Place pan in the oven and leave the sprouts in for 20-30 minutes. When they are done they should be a little crispy and brown on the outside and a little soft on the inside.

HAPPY SAINT PATRICK'S DAY!!!

It's the most wonderful time of the year!!!  

This year for the office St. Patrick's Day Party I made some lamb and Guinness Stew.  It is FABULOUS.  Eat this before you go out and the Guinness will always be below your gullet.

• 3 pounds lamb cubed
• 1/2 cup flour
• 5lbs red potatoes, peeled and cubed
• 3 large carrots, peeled and sliced
• 1 packet of onion soup mix
• 2 large yellow onions, cut into large dice
• 3 - 4 cloves garlic, minced
• 1 bunch fresh rosemary
• 1 bunch fresh thyme
• 1 bunch fresh parsley
• 2 quarts lamb or beef stock, or as needed
• 24 ounces Guinness stout
• 1 cup pearl barley (optional)
• 2 teaspoons corn starch
• Salt and  black pepper, to taste

cook barley it for 20 minutes in 3 cups of lamb or beef stock, then add when you return the meat to pot with the vegetables.

Season the meat with salt and brown the meat in a little oil. Remove and reserve, and sprinkle with a little flour. Add the onions, garlic, carrots and celery to the pan and sauté, tossing to coat with the fat. Add the Guinness and scrape up any caramelized meat juices. Add the potatoes, return the meat to the pot (and the barley if you're using it). Add enough stock to barely cover, cook over medium heat until just boiling, then reduce heat to very low and simmer 2 - 3 hours, until the meat is tender, stirring occasionally.  Add in soup mix at about the 1 hour mark.

Check seasonings, add salt and pepper to taste, then remove from heat, stir in parsley and the cornstarch (mixed into 4 teaspoons water) and stir. Cook over low heat for a few more minutes to thicken. Serve with plenty of Irish brown or white soda bread, tea and more Guinness if you like.

First Failure: Revenge of the Leeks

REVENGE OF THE LEEKS

So, I haven't been posting as much as I should on this for one simple reason:  I started Grad School and haven't had as much time to cook.  Some of my Irv and Shelly's has been siphoned off to friends in recent weeks due to my sheer lack of time to cook.

I have to admit, though.  This is not the first time I have given away food from Irv and Shelley's.

I know.  I have already destroyed my New Year's resolution.  It happened a few months ago when I was confronted by these roots of Welsh fame:

  Leeks.  Even the name sounds revolting.  Leeeeeeeeeeks.

So I did what any coward would do and let them rot until I had to throw them away.

 .

...I know

But last week Irv and Shelly's karma'd me right in the face with the return... and the revenge... of the leeks.

I was bitter and in denial.  Why would anyone even grow these stupid things?  So rather than do any cultural research or really try, I chopped them up with some onions and garlic and threw them in a pan with some cooked rice.  On top of this bed of fried-rice weirdness I pan fried a tuna steak that had been marinating in white wine and thyme.  It didn't look particularly appetizing, but there was no other food in my house.

So I ate it....

Lesson learned.  Leeks 1 Nicki 0

Cannellini Bean Saute

So this is my brother Mike

The first time I made my Cannellini Bean Saute Mike at almost all of it and demanded the recipe.  It just took me forever to get up here (sorry dude).

You will need:
 Some cannellini beans
Some chives
 Some egg noodles
 Some vegetable broth
Escarole or Spinach

You will also need olive oil, red pepper flakes, garlic, garlic salt and one large saute pan.

STEP ONE:
Chop up your greens, including the stalk.  Boil them for about three minutes, drain, and transfer to a plate.

STEP TWO:
Boil water and throw in your egg noodles (instructions are on the package).  Boil for about seven minutes.  While your noodles are cooking move on to...

STEP THREE:  Chop up garlic and chives.  Toss them into saute pan with about 2 tbsp of olive oil and 1/4c vegetable broth.  Saute for one minute and add your greens.  Saute for about 3-5 minutes, then add your can of cannellini beans.  Saute for two minutes.  Add salt and red pepper to taste.

STEP FOUR:  Drain your noodles and add to saute pan (greens should have cooked down by this point so there should be room).  Saute for about another minute.

STEP FIVE:  Add everybody's favorite little extras!  Fresh basil and parmesan cheese!  These are optional, obviously, but I highly recommend them.  :)

Valentine's Day Dinner

Valentine's Day.  I am usually pretty popular on this day every year.  Not because I am in a relationship (Thank you for the flowers and spices, Tawm), but because people wait until the last minute to make reservations/go grocery shopping and they need help pulling something out of the air.

Case in point:  my boss.

Let me say this now:  my boss is a pretty awesome guy, so I was a little worried when he came to my desk looking like this:

Turns out boss-man wanted to impress his lady for the day upon which we celebrate the slaughter of innocents with chocolates and flowers, and he needed help with a recipe.  I was more than happy to oblige... and then steal my own recipe for myself.

P.S. if you time this right, it all comes out at the same time and works perfectly!

Valentine’s Day Dinner

Dinner:  Baked Sliced Potatoes, Asparagus, Lobster Bisque, and Filet Mignon with cream sauce.  You will need approximately 1 ½ hours to prepare everything.

Cooking Supplies:

2 cookie sheets

Aluminum foil

1 Plastic bag

1 baking pan

1 frying pan

1 small sauce pan

The first thing you want to do is prepare the Asparagus and the Baked potatoes because they will take the longest to cook.  Start with the potatoes.

Baked Sliced Potatoes (it never looks this fancy, but this is what the end product should resemble):

You will need…

2 medium potatoes (washed and scrubbed.  Cut out any roots)

Some olive oil to drizzle

Salt and Pepper

Rosemary and Garlic Salt (if you have it.  If not, just grab some Italian herb eg. Oregano, basil etc.)

A little parmesan cheese to sprinkle.

What I do is place the potatoes on a wooden spoon while I am slicing them to make certain I don’t cut them all the way through.  Cut them so they are evenly and thinly sliced.  When you are finished cutting them, put them on a cookie sheet covered in aluminum foil (this makes for easy cleanup).  Fan out the potatoes slightly and drizzle olive oil over them until lightly saturated.  Shake salt and pepper over the potatoes, as well as the garlic and rosemary.  Shake parmesan cheese over the potatoes (however much you want).

Place potatoes in the oven for 50 minutes at 425 F… also preheat the oven… that part probably should have been first.

NEXT

Baked Asparagus

You will need…

1 Bunch of Asparagus (the thicker kind)

About ¼ c. olive oil

Salt, Pepper, and Red Pepper Flakes

1 Plastic Bag 

1 cookie sheet

aluminum foil

Step One: Cut the whiter ends off of the asparagus and rinse thoroughly.

Step Two:  Put asparagus in plastic bag with olive oil, salt, pepper, and red pepper flakes.  Shake bag like red-headed step-child.

Step Three:  Place evenly on cookie sheet covered in aluminum foil. 

Step Four:  When the oven timer reaches 15 minutes remaining on the potatoes, pop the asparagus in the oven as well.

NEXT

Filet Mignon (make sure the steaks are at room temperature)

You will need…

2 Steaks

salt n’ pepper

olive oil

1 frying pan

1 baking pan.

1)      Rub steaks with salt and pepper

2)      Lightly cover bottom of frying pan in olive oil and heat on high.  Toss some salt and pepper into the oil

3)      When the oil begins to sizzle put both steaks into the pan and sear the top for one to two minutes and the bottom for one to two minutes.  Then sear the sides of the filets briefly so that it is brown all over.  Place the filets in lightly oiled baking dish.  Put the steaks in the oven when the veggies are done cooking, and lower heat to 400F. 

4)      Cook the meat for five minutes (oven should be on 400F).  Take it out of the oven and flip over.  Cook for another 3-5 minutes.  This should leave the meat anywhere from medium-rare to medium.

While the meat is cooking, take the veggies out and wrap them in foil.  Place them over the vents of the oven so that they stay warm.  

NEXT:  Lobster Bisque or Butternut Squash soup

This is a good time to heat up the Lobster Bisque.  I mean it.  Do not try to make soup from scratch unless you did it yesterday, just buy it at the store and heat it up or you will just make yourself cry.  When it is done heating up, put it in bowls and crack some pepper on top.  Apparently cracked pepper makes everything fancy.

NEXT

This is optional.  The cream sauce is my own creation and it tends to go with the steak very well.  It’s entirely up to you if you want to make it or not.

You will need…

Blue Cheese or Gouda cheese (I use aged Gouda)

Half and half or Heavy cream

Butter

Small sauce pan

1) Melt one 1/2 stick of butter in the saucepan on low heat.

2)  Throw in ¼ cup of cream

3)  Grate in Gouda cheese (About 1 C) and stir on low until everything has melted together to a consistency that you like.

Leave this sauce in a small bowl on the table so you can use it like gravy.

Then buy yourself a couple of slices of cheesecake at Mariano’s because screw cooking desert after all that.

Hangover Pie

This is Jen and Jeff

They're pretty gross and in love and stuff.

When Jen and Jeff come over we have a tendency to drink a lot of this:

Which, if you remember from a previous post, leads to a lot of this:

Last night, however, we discovered that there is such a thing as alcoholic whipped cream.  We decided to create the best drink in the world.

 Vanilla CREAM whipped cream + Stoli Vanilla Vodka + Roobeer + Ice =

Which leads to a lot of this:

However, in the morning, you feel like this:

Which leads me to this morning's recipe:

HANGOVER PIE!

The rest of this blog will be short and to the point, because I still look like this owl.

First of all:  this isn't a pie.  But I was too tired to think of the words "quiche" and "frittata" this morning, so I called it a pie.

You will need (for six hungover friends):

Eight eggs
One onion
Cheese of your choice
Baby tomatoes
1 portobello mushroom cap
Garlic
Jalapeno
1 small red potato
Chorizo (or no meat if you prefer)
Salt, pepper, and cumin

Step One

Chop up the onions, garlic, and potato into very small pieces and brown on low in a skillet with a little olive oil.  Shake on some salt, pepper, and cumin.

Step Two
While you are making your significant other Tawm brown the roots, you scramble all of those eggs with a splash of milk or cream (or water).  Also chop up mushrooms,

Step Three
Brown the chorizo in a separate pan on low and hand over to Jen.  When chorizo starts to brown, throw the mushrooms in with the onions and garlic.

Step Four
While Tawm and Jen are doing your work, chop up the baby tomatoes and jalapeno. 

Step Five
Take skillet away from Jen and put the browned chorizo into the root mixture, then take over for Tawm because he is whining and needs coffee.  Mix together.

Step Six
Pour the scrambled eggs evenly over the pan of mixed chorizo and roots.  Cover with lid and put the burner on low heat so it can cook all the way through faster.  After about three minutes, take off the lid and throw the tomatoes and the jalapeno peppers.  Cover and let cook all the way through.  MAKE SURE YOU ARE COOKING THIS ON LOW OR IT WILL BURN.

Step Seven
In about 7-9 minutes this should be cooked all the way through, and now it's time to dump your favorite cheese on top.  I used gouda and mozzarella.  Turn off the burner and cover with lid to melt the cheese.  When cheese is melted, cut like a pie and serve to your friends who are sprawled on the floor eating orange slices and drinking V8 with hot sauce.

Immediately after consuming hangover pie, your body will feel like this:

Totally stole this from a restaurant

This is Tawm

Tawm took me to this restuarant

Where I ate this

It's CALABAZA RELLENA! 

 

I don't know!  All I know is that it is delicious and all I want to eat for the rest of my life.  Most of the last month has been a series of depressed attempts to replace this dish in my life, and extreme self-loathing for taking French instead of Spanish in high school.  Also, I simply do not trust Google Translate for this reason:


Original:  Calabaza Rellena
First Attempt English:  Fill Pumpkin
Second Attempt Spanish:  Llena de calabaza
Second Attempt English:   You fill the pumpkin
Third Attempt Spanish: Que se llenan la calabaza
Final Attempt English:  That fill pumpkin

Anyway, weeks of pining after this amazing Latino-fusion dish, Irv and Shelly's came to the rescue!

They sent me a Butternut Squash!  Not only is it the tastiest of all the squashes, it is the edible bowl of Calabaza Rellena!  It was a sign from the magic-appear-at-your-door-on-Wednesdays produce gods!  So I set out on my mission:  create a recipe from memory only.

YOU WILL NEED...
1-2 Butternut squashes (depending on how many people you are serving)
1 cup of rice (or a couple bags of instant Uncle Ben's)
1 Zucchini
2 Handfulls of crimini mushrooms
10 pieces of shrimp
Butter... a stick of it?
About 1/4c brown or white sugar
Cayenne Pepper, brown pepper, red pepper, cajun seasoning if you have it





Step One:  READY THE EDI-BOWL!

1.  Cut the top off of the Butternut squash and dig out the insides like a jack-o-lantern.  You don't have to carve a face into it if you don't want to.  It is just highly recommended.  And awesome.
2.  Peel and cut the remainder of the butternut squash into hashbrown-sized squares.
3.  Rub brown sugar (or honey) on the inside and rim of the butter-nut-o-lantern and butternut squares.
4.  Put on foil covered cookie sheet in over for 25 minutes at 350.  After 25 minutes, take out squares, but put the bowl back in for another ten minutes.

Step Two:  MEANWHILE, BACK AT THE RICE PATTY...
1.  Make some rice.  This is not complicated.  Buy a back of instant Uncle Ben's White rice and throw it in a pan of boiling water.  Follow the directions on the box.  YOU CAN DO IT!

Step Three:  FUN WITH KNIVES

Imagine this guy->

Is these ingredients ->

 

DISMEMBER TO YOUR HEART'S CONTENT

Seriously, though, just chop 'em up and throw them into a large frying pan with a little butter and cook until mushrooms and zucchini are tender.

Step Four:  MAKE THE SAUCE

1.  Melt a half stick of butter, 1/4 c of heavy cream, and about 1/4 c sugar in a pot.  This be your sauce.  Just don't burn it.  Then it be your shame.

Step Five:  MAKE YOUR SHRIMP INTO BUTTERFLIES

1.  The term "butterfly shrimp" confused me for many of my young years, but now I have mastered the technique.  And by mastered I mean I have watched somebody do it.  Clean your shrimp and make a cut all the way down the back so that they look like squishy, gray, unappealing butterflies.  Throw them in a small saute pan with the spices (you can make it as spicy as you want) for about 5-7 minutes.  Do not overcook.  This can also be done with chicken if you happen to hate shrimp.

Step Six:  MIX IT ALL TOGETHER AND TIME IT PERFECTLY LIKE A BOSS

1.  Take that butternut bowl out of the oven!

2.  Mix that sauce into the rice along with the sauteed veggies!

3.  Dump that rice mixture into the butternut bowl!

4.  Throw that blackened shrimp on top!

BOOM!  You've got Calabaza Rellena!

Until next time...

"Why did I move here, I can't feel my face" Stew

So recently I have been dressing a lot like this:



Why pull out the parka?  Because Chicago looks like THIS:


Okay, so I actually look more like this:                   Than                  THIS:
                                                  



Anywho, the current conditions in the Second City inspired this week's recipe:

"Holy Sh*t Chicago is Freezing. WHY DID I MOVE HERE I CAN'T FEEL MY FACE" stew.

I remember my childhood growing up in Athens, OH.  Yes, we got our share of blizzards, especially in the early 90's.  Once the snowstorm settled, the sun would come up and we would wake up to a wonderland of virgin snow that we would later deflower with our sledding competitions and snowball fights.  Even though there was four feet of snow on the ground, the air would be warm enough to play all day in.

...




Temperatures dropped to below zero with a wind chill of FROSTBITE.  I was very close to ripping open a tonton and hibernating for the winter in some cozy space-kangaroo innards.

You will find that most of my recipes in the winter are a reflection of my laziness/hatred of the cold.  This one is no different.  And that, once is again, is the great thing about soup and stew.  You throw a bunch of stuff in a pot and a couple of hours later TADA!  FOOD!

So here's what I found in my house:

In case you can't tell what these are from my atrocious photography skills...
-The long white things are called parsnips.  I have never cooked a parsnip before, so it's another Irv and Shelly's adventure
-The little white blurry thing is garlic
-two small white onions
-Two sweet Potatoes (not shown here)
-An unidentifiable squash that I didn't end up using because it had been sitting in my food basket since Thanksgiving.  It's kind of just photobombing this picture.
-The orange things are carrots.  Idiot.

Step One

 -Peel the carrots, parsnips, potatoes, onions, and garlic.
-Cut the carrots and parsnips into large chunks and place into a lightly sprayed largish saute pan and begin to brown on low.  Cover with lid.
-Quarter the onions and cut up the potatoes into chunks about the size of the carrots and parsnips
-Dice up about three cloves of garlic
-Throw the onions and garlic into the pan to begin to brown as well

Step Two

-Drizzle olive oil into the bottom of the stew pot until it covers the bottom.

-Unwrap the cheap and questionable beef stew meat you bought from Aldi and be sad that it isn't lamb.

-Put burner on low heat and begin to brown the meat slowly.  

-While meat is browning, add the chopped sweet potatoes to the saute pan with the rest of the veggies.

-When meat is done browning, take it out of the stew pot and place it in a bowl.

Step Three

-Pour a can off beef broth into the empty stew pot and whisk to get the flavor off the bottom of the pot.  Keep the burner on low heat and add the meat back into the pot.

-Take the roots and veggies of the burner and pour them into the soup pot and stir until everything is mixed together.

Now for the fun part...                                Step 4: BEER!

-Take a can of Yuengling or whatever beer happens to be around and pour half of it into the soup.  Sound weird?  Yup.  Taste awesome?  Yup.

-Then drink the rest of the beer.  Do.  Not.  Waste.  Beer.

-Fill the stew pot with water until it reaches a point where it is almost covering everything in the pot.  Too much liquid and it will just be weird soup.

-Now what you want to do is add a bay leaf and some salt and pepper to taste, cover it with a lid and cook at an EXTREMELY LOW temperature.  The lowest you can get on your stove top. You are going to want to cook this for three hours +, or until the fibers holding the beef together begin to soften making the meat melt-in-your-mouth deeeeeeeelicous.